The jokes

What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

What do the initials FEMA stand for?

Federal Erection Management Agency.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

Q: What's red during puberty?

A: The blood on my hands.

What's the hardest part of being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

This joke's about flowers, the blue one's a violet.

Your mom's the Twin Towers and I am the pilot!

What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.

What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?

The licorice is black.

What do you call the inside of the ISS toilet?

Cosmic Brownies.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?

KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.

What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen walking.

Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?

Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.