The jokes
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Why was the cow afraid?
Because he's a coward!
I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.
Tigger was playing hide & seek, so he looked in the toilet, but all he found was Pooh.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
Why did Joe Biden pull out of the Afghanistan war?
Because it was over 18 years old.
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
What can jump higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
I didn't ask: ❌
I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?