The jokes
Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery.
How did the shark do on his math test?
Jawesome!
What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
What happens when an alien connects with your device?
The alien says on your device: ".-- . / - .-. .- ...- . .-.. / ..-. .-. --- -- / -- .- -. -.-- / -- .- -. -.-- / --. .- .-.. .- -..- -.-- ..."
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
Why don't gay Greek men in Greece perform anilingus on each other?
Because anilingus between two gay men is against the law in Greece.
What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?
"Bye son!"
Get it? Bye son, Bison!
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
Q: What did the person who invented the door knocker get?
A: A no-bell prize.
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."