The jokes
What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?
Might in dynamite.
What do the initials FEMA stand for?
Federal Erection Management Agency.
Your sister is your mother.
Your father is your brother.
You all shag one another.
The Inbred family.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.
He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.
Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.
And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
Why did the toilet paper not make it across the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack.
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."