The jokes
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Why do midgets giggle when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
An orphan came out of the closet to their parents as gay. Oh wait...
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
I hate people that hate life.
Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.
*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.
There are 25 letters in the alphabet, and yet I don't know why.
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"
Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!