The jokes
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?
One is wanted.
Why can Asian people buy phones?
'Cause they might call the wrong number.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
Kobe missed a lot of shots, but he sure didn’t miss the mountain.
My wife left a note on the fridge. The note read, "It's not working." I don't know what she's talking about. I opened the fridge, and it worked fine!
What did the toilet say to the other toilet?
"You look flushed."
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
An orphan walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Buddy, you have to go home." The orphan replies, "Where is home?"
What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?
An “Astronut”!
Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.
Kid: Ok.
*Bring kid to the orphanage*.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
A turtle was walking down the street when all of a sudden a snail came up to him and robbed him.
When the policemen showed up and asked him what happened, he responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
Why do orphans like to go to church?
It is the only place where they can call a father.
Yo mama so clueless, she dialed 911 on the microwave.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.