The jokes

Feather

Which one fell first?

The depressed kid or the feather? Look at 1st comment to see answer.

Cyanide

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

Emo

Why was the emo kicked out of the circus?

Because he was cutting in line!

Orphan

Why can't orphans have an iPhone?

'Cause they can't find the home button.

Grandma

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

Pool

I got caught peeing in the pool.

The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!

Teeth

What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.

Orphan

Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek?

They won’t be found because no one will look for them.

Plane

I'm having lunch on the roof of the Twin Towers, and the biggest plane I've ever seen is flying toward...

Twin Towers

What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?

When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.

Priest

What is the difference between a priest and a zit?

The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

Jesus

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You can hang the picture with one nail.

Emo

I went to the store the other day and scanned an emo's arm.

It gave me a discount!

Trampoline

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

Mama

Yo mama so UGLY... at the strip club... people pay her... to keep her clothes ON!!!

Vault

What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?

The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.

Jesus

The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.

Fart

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”