The jokes
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
Memes
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
Why do orphans like emos?
Reverse "emo" and put an "h" in the beginning.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
Bro, stop. You guys are saying the same jokes over and over. If you're gonna tell a 9/11 joke, just go laugh about the Great Thumps.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
Why doesn’t the sun ☀️ go to college?
Because it has a million degrees.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?
"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in the crack.
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
What is the definition of a woman?
A life support system for a vagina.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!