The jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.
When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a disco party. 🕺🕺🕺
When Ariana Grande walked into the church, she said, "GOD IS A WOMAN!"
What's the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
What did the Twin Towers get when they ordered an extra large pepperoni pizza?
When the pizza man got there, all they got was plane.
Memes
Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek?
They won’t be found because no one will look for them.
Why can't orphans have an iPhone?
'Cause they can't find the home button.
Why was the emo kicked out of the circus?
Because he was cutting in line!
What is the difference between a priest and a zit?
The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
I'm having lunch on the roof of the Twin Towers, and the biggest plane I've ever seen is flying toward...
What game does an emo hate the most?
Life!
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
I got caught peeing in the pool.
The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
What did the captain of the Titanic do before the Titanic sunk?
He nominated everyone for the ice bucket awards.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?