The jokes
Why is it cold in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Your mama is so fat that when she was playing online, she crashed the whole server.
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
Have you heard about the new movie with Stephen Hawking as the star? It's called "Unplugged."
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trombone!
Yo mama is so ugly Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix that!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to Birds Eye.
Papyrus: Sans, stop being a lazy Bones.
Sans: Why bro, guess you don't have the back bone to do anything, heheh.
Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?
He mist.
This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.
All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?
Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.