The jokes

My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.

Where do mermaids get a job?

At the kelp wanted station.

What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?

An escort.

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

Me: Okay, Papyrus. I'm no Sherlock Bones, but I'd say that Storyspin Sans is the Imposter.

Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

Dodi replies...:

“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.

Why can orphans get away from the FBI?

Because they don't have a house.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

Penaldo song 🎵🎵🎵

He has conquered all the Farmers. He is never going to stop. From Lithuania down to Andorra, He has scored a fucking lot. Penalties and Tapins, The Fields of Faroe Islands, He is our GOAT, And his name is Cristiano Columbus. Allez, Allez, Allez Allez, Allez, Allez

Why did the orphan become a criminal?

Because he wanted to actually be wanted.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

Which Pokémon do soccer players like the most?

GOALduck.

What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?

The cow never made it.

I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.

The sign on their gate says:

"Clothed Until Further Notice."

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet.