The jokes

Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!

Were you born on the highway? 'Cause that's where most accidents happen.

I went up the temp girl and slapped her tests and said-

"I like ya cut, G."

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

The F in "I'm orphan" stands for family.

But there is no F.

You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?

You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.

You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"

Who remembers when Gwen was the only thing people talked about on this website?

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Q: What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

A: Nothing, they just waved! 🙃

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

What's long and black?

The line at Popeyes.

Why couldn't an orphan have an iPhone 6? He couldn't find the home button.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A. A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.

What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)