The jokes
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
Q: Why are the 49ers called the 49ers?
A: 'Cause they can't make it past the 50-yard line.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Why is a tomato red?
Because it saw the ranch dressing!
What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?
About a few thousand miles.
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.
How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.
One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?
Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.
What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."
What do you call someone who makes a joke about society?
The Joker.
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!
How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"
The flag at NAMBLA headquarters is flying at half mast.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.