The jokes

Phone

The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.

Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.

Rape

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

Father

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Orphan

What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field? The baseball field has a home to run back to.

Memes

Computer

A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.

Orphan

What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?

They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.

Orphan

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because his options were to go bigger or go home. He only had one choice. :)

Joker

A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.

Skeleton

One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.

Lesson

The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...