The jokes
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked up.
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
Memes
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.
How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
What do you call a rejected guitarist who now lives on the beach?
A sea minor.
This is the true worst joke ever:
What did the person say to the other guy when he met him?
Hi!
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We're closed."
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?
Because it said, "Focus."
The 5 year old with cancer is going through a mid-life crisis.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?
My brother didn’t beat cancer.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.