The jokes
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
The Twin Towers ordered a sesame bagel. They got the plane one instead.
Why was the Orphan boy gay?
So he can call someone Daddy.
Memes
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!
Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!