The jokes

Robber

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy.

Road

Why did Severus Snape cross the road wearing an invisibility cloak?

So no one would know what side he was on.

Stroke

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

Place

I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.

Health

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

Baby

Why did Michael Joseph Jackson dangle the baby over the balcony? He wanted to air out the blanket.

Dick

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

Society

A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.

Who wins?

Society.

World

You are able to travel to the anime world, believe me, Michael Jackson did it.

Pregnancy

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

Beard

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

Kamikaze

What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?

"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."

Doctor

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

CEO

Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?

A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.

Rape

Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"

Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."