The jokes
What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
Jack got a big shock with a mouth full of huge cock, because Jill's real name is Randy, and she had no candy, just he gave Jack a handy.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
Joe mama so fat when she went to the movies, she sat next to everybody.
Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time, please."
Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."
Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."
The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.