The jokes

A teenager went into a creepy house with his 3 friends. Only 2 came out. Where are the others?

(Getting brutally murdered.)

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.

The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?

I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.

What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?

You've got a lot of problems!

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

Why was the kid's report card all wet?

Because it was below "sea" level.

You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.

You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

An e-girl went to go high five a tree, but the tree left her hanging.

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.