The jokes

What happened to the frog that parked illegally?

He was toad away.

Get it?

When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.

Why couldn’t the orphan play Xbox? Because there was no home button.

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.

Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!

What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?

It's pasture your bedtime.

You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

What’s the hamburgler’s retarded cousin? Aspergler.

"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"

"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!

The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"

The dad: "Everywhere."

Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

A. Because he got hit by a truck.

One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.

An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."

What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You're under a vest.

What did the ocean say when it saw the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?

Because he is DEAD.

If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.