The jokes

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?

Its ass.

I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.

What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?

A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.

What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."

What did the Asian people name their retarded son?

Sum Ting Wong.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

Did you know that Uranus is as big as the moon?

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

Yo mama so clueless, she sat on the TV to watch the couch.

NWA: Straight Outta Compton.

Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.

My dad died in 9/11.

But he was the pilot.

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

How is smoking similar to oral sex?

The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

What song do you think was playing at the school?

"Pumped Up Kicks"

My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"