The jokes
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
A. Because he got hit by a truck.
One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
What did the ocean say when it saw the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?
Because he is DEAD.
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance party? Because he had NOBODY to dance with.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.
So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.