The jokes
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
I donated a computer to the orphanage...
It didn’t have a motherboard.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa? Cause they make the toys.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
Memes
I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?
You just got fruit-rolled.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never try to legislate against?
A school shooting.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
I suffered The Great Depression.
Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.
What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆