The jokes

What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?

They’re both hanging in the closet.

What did one butthole say to the other?

"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.

The direction I'm looking.

How did the burglar get into my house?

Intruder window.

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? An apple gets picked.

Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.

Credits: to my friend.

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home? He lost the whey!😅

Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”

What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?

The letter b.

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"