The jokes

Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?

A: Because he is a "herbefore."

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.

Haha, I fucked you over!

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

I'm in the year 1930...

The Great Depression.

Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣

What did the plane say to the tower?

"Give me a kiss."

John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.

Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"

John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"

Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?

He is waiting for his dad with the milk.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

Your hairline receded like the girls did after the party.

The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill,

And now there's little Frankey.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣

Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?

He wanted to clean out the blanket.

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?