The jokes
What is the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked!
What did one copper say to the other? C U.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
what came first, The apple or the girl? The apple, because the tree left her hanging :)
One depressed kid goes to high-five a tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?
A: Because they have the balls to.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
Wanna hear a joke about the Flash?
"Never mind, it's too fast."