The jokes

What was the orphan's name?

Jake! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?

One of them is used.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

The F in orphans stands for family...

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Q: Why do orphans love playing tennis?

A: Because the ball comes back.

Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.

Me dozing off while driving.

Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.

I am the grand wizard, mak.

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.