The jokes
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.
Your hairline is so far back it was friends with the dinosaurs!
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: Youβll need them there.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
Memes
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Whatβs the best way to get people to remember your birthday? Kill yourself.
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
Who did Michael Jackson want to be like? The man in the mirror.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
What's the favorite Spiderman film for orphans?
Homecoming.
Whatβs the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.