The jokes
Why can't an orphan watch the movie:
It was family rated.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
Because the pond was too shallow.
What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, Bud!
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
Yo mama so tall, she was next to Neil Armstrong on the moon.
Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?
Person B: Tentacles?
Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
What’s Stephan Hawking's favorite dance move?
The robot.
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
What do you call 4 black guys and 2 white guys?
The Oreo Gang!
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...