The jokes

I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.

I tried phone sex once. But the holes were too small.

Why did the guy's birthday party stink?

Because he was turning farty!

What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.

What's worse than a dead baby?

A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that?

The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.

What's worse than that?

The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Who read the most words?

911 passengers, they read 12 stories in 9.10 seconds.

What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

Rainbows top the class, as they always score with flying colors.

Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)

What do sheep wear to the beach?

A baa-kini.

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!