The jokes
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.
I got kicked out of the library for putting the Women's Rights book in the fantasy section.
Memes
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
Science flies you to the moon.
Religion flies you into towers.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Déjà Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.
What is the highest number?
420.
The cheetah had a race with a lion, and the cheetah won.
The lion was like, "Why you always a cheetah?"
The cheetah was like, "Why you always lion (lying)?"
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"
Why did the Orphan go to church?
To call someone father.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?
Apples get picked.