The jokes

What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?

It’s the premium version of gay.

My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.

"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."

I love all races, even the bad ones.

Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?

He shot a Ginger.

Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?

Because it doesn’t have a home button.

Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.

How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.

How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.

What do orphans and garbage have in common?

They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.

I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.

Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?

To separate the meat section from the dairy section.

How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?

She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’

You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the aeroplane!"

"And here comes the second one!"

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?

Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"

She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"

"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."

Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."