The jokes
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
Memes
what's the difference between apples and orphans? ... the apples get picked.
Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
Why is the leaning tower of pizza leaning? 'Cuz it had better reflexes than the twin towers.
Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?
Who is the fastest reader? 9/11, it went through 10 stories in 7 seconds.
My life is the joke.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snowballs!
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.