The jokes
I hate the term feminazi. It is offensive to real Nazis.
9/11 is the biggest game of Jenga... ;)
What's the difference between apples and orphans? The apples get picked, XD!
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window?
He was airing his blanket.
Memes
The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.
Why wasn’t the moon hungry?
Because it was full!
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
What did the tree say to the wind?
Leaf me alone.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.