The jokes
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
Question: Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a puzzle in 5 months?
Answer: The box said 3-5 years!
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
140 calories.