The jokes

Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.

What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?

A Milky Way 😱

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.

The only thing I do straight is vodka.

What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

You nail its other hand to the ground.

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."

Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream?

He got hit by a bus.

My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}

What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.

There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.