The jokes
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
Memes
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.
Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
An apple gets picked.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
A Karen is so stupid, she can't even cross the hairline!
What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?
"Here Comes The Airplane!"
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
Why didn't Logan Paul high five the Asian man? Because he loves to leave Asians hanging.