The jokes
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
A Karen is so stupid, she can't even cross the hairline!
What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?
"Here Comes The Airplane!"
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
Why didn't Logan Paul high five the Asian man? Because he loves to leave Asians hanging.
I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!
I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
"Why is it that orphans only play tennis?""That's the only love they can get..."
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.