The jokes

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.

A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?

Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.

What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?

A robot can feign empathy.

What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?

A hoedown.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

I finally know why my brain doesn't work!

On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.

Government Briefing:

Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...

...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?

Lesbionage.

Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.