The jokes

Why don't orphans like Russia and Germany?

Because it's the Mother and Father Land.

Why did two 4s skip dinner? Because they already ate.

Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups! - 13th in the league!

Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league. - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL.

Who's supposed to be the goat?

If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.

What do you get when you cross a cow and the Kool-Aid Man? Donald Trump, cuz of his red face and juicy tits.

Q. What is the Titanic's favorite food?

A. Ice burger.

We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.

I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.

Why did Mom cross the road?

To kill you!

Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.

Why did the astronaut bring the seeds to space?

Because he wants to planet the seed! 🤣🤣🤣

Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?

Answer: They couldn't find home base.

What is the difference between a human and a magic house to get to a tree and a house to get to the earth to get home 🏡? Day today I have to get my kids and oooooo.

Hi 👋 I have some good ideas 💡. It was the best game I had to get in my...

How Steven Hawking died: because he moved too much during the day and ran out of juice.

Yo mama so fat, she the iceberg.

Yo mama so fat, she the iceberg.

ble get get get gettttt pull the glock pew pew pew pew pew thats the silencer BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

I always look at the earth and think, "Ahh, this is TREE-ific!"

What's the difference between a computer and a crumpled person? A computer runs.

Why did the toilet paper not make it across the street?

'Cause it got stuck in a pothole!

My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.