The jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣

If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.

Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?

To take care of his erectile dysfunction.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.

Why did the feminist fail algebra?

She couldn’t solve inequalities.

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

Enough with the Nazi jokes.

They make me führeious!

What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?

Answer: A bath bomb.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.