The jokes

I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.

Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?

The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

The toilet paper tried to cross the road. He couldn't because he was stuck in a crack.

What was the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

BTW, I am one, wahahaa!

My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?

A: The size of balls they play with.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.

why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.