The jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road? cuz he saw a chic 😉

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

I would roast you, but the mirrors do when you look at them.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣

If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.

Who was not happy that the Titanic sank? The fish under it.

Why did the feminist fail algebra?

She couldn’t solve inequalities.

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

Enough with the Nazi jokes.

They make me führeious!