The jokes
Hi ๐, was the day you?
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!
What body part takes the longest to decay? The eyeball, because it will always dilate.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
A horse walked in a bar and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?"
Memes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"
Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"
"You gave me the same sweater as last year."
"You s w e a t e r believe it."
The Past, Present & Future walked into a bar.
It was tense!
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.
What is the address?
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
You: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Random person: Why?
You: To get to the idiot's house!
Random person: What?
You: Knock knock.
Random person: Who's there?
You: The chicken.
What did the expired butter do once it had expired?
It did an expire.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the โshellโ station.
Teacher: Ok kids, time to go home.
The orphan: What is home?
Teacher: Here, I have somewhere for you.
*puts in trash can*
Why did the skeleton feel alone?
He was BONEsome.
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying โOh Fu-kโ?