The jokes
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they asked if I could pilot a plane.
Why did the dick suck my ass? They died.
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.
Nig
(finish the lyrics)
Memes
Why is "T" well-respected, but more in its lowercase form?
It crossed the line with Jesus.
You know what would be the best last thing to say before you die? "No, you certainly can't." JFK's assassin certainly can!
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
See the lies.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Old man Jeffrey touches the youth.
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
Simpsons.
Meet the Simpsons.
They're the greatest modern family.
From the town of Springfield.
They're a page right out of history.
Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.
Mom! Mom! The class called me an orphan.
An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.
"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.
Your forehead is so big it can't even fit in the garage!
My bully: Your face is ugly.
Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.
My bully: :(
Friend, you're bold and fat.
Me: Bro, go to the bathroom and look at the mirror. You will probably break it.