The jokes
Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the concert?
To COUNT his BARS.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?
To keep track of his rhyme time.
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
What’s a rapper’s favorite part of the house?
The rhyme cellar.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some DEPOSITS of RHYMES.
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses?
To SHADE the HATERS!
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.
Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.
I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.
Q. What's the difference between fucking a coma patient and fucking a cabbage?
A. You have to cut a hole in the cabbage.
I used to think all Americans were racist.
Now I've changed my mind. They DID elect an orange president.
What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.
What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?
The MIC Donald's drive-thru.
Why did the rapper go to the bank? (Part 2)
To WITHDRAW some BEATS.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he was good at SERVING RHYMES.
Why did the rapper sit on the stool?
Because he had too much FLOW to stand still!
Why did the rapper always carry a pencil?
In case he had to draw a crowd.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."
Then it all happened.
The fly dropped six inches.
The fish came up and caught the fly.
The bear came out and caught the fish.
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.
The mouse went for the sandwich.
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.