The jokes
God bless the shooting that happened.
Why are the people that get your order at restaurants called waiters? They don't wait for the food; we wait for the food. They should be called "note takers." They take notes for food.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.
What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?
Mountain Dew.
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
Yo momma's so fat, it takes her 1,000,000 hours on the toilet.
Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning.
What's Link's favorite porn video? The Legend of Zeldas Sucking.
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
Isn't having depersonalization mean that you like the animatronics off of FNAF/Five Nights at Freddy's?
(If you don't know what depersonalization is, look it up.)
What do you call a pig that goes to the slaughterhouse? Technoblade.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
I pushed the disabled kid into a fire, then called him "Hot Wheels."
Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"
James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"
Grass is green. I am the queen. If only I can see you scream on the screen.
Things that rhyme with green, queen, screen: clean, between, been, ...
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.
There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.
Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...
This black dude goes up to an Indian guy and says, "What up brotha?"
The Indian guy gets offended and says, "We are not the same."
The black guy then pulls out a gun, and the Indian guy says, "Ok brother, ok brother, we are the same, we are the same."
Do the voice in your head.
I know 25 letters of the alphabet, but I don't know why.