The jokes

What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?

"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."

Iran: Prepare the FINAL SOLUTION.

Israel: And you'll be telling the whole world, "I-RAN AWAY!"

What is the best time to eat dinner?

When you're hungry.

Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.

Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.

I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:

Starters - Foreplay

Main course - Reverse Cowgirl

Dessert - Blowy

Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.

Once you've had the mother,

Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

🎵 BEAVER BEAVER 🎵

LUBA LUBA LUBA LUBA LUBA LUBA

I'm walking down the street with a bag of dildos, beryllium, and a butt plug.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

How to silence a black protester at a rally?

TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.