The jokes

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

Why did Ama cross the road?

To find his dad.

Where would Batman get his freak on at? The Batcave or the bat strip club?

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

The only people who do yo mama jokes wish they had a mom.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!

What do elves study in school?

The elf-abet.

Kid: I want to be like Batman.

Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.

Genie: I told you.

Kid: .............................................

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!

One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.

----> [] get in the door.

Who were the fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 95 stories in 10 seconds.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Please.

Please who?

Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.

Lol.

Why was the orphan kid bad at school? Because he wanted a phone call home.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

What did the horse say when his throat was sore?

I have a hoarse throat!

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.