The jokes
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.
MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
Memes
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Why does nobody talk to the letter G?
Because it's always in the middle of awkward!
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
They both used to be straight.
Q: Why do I always see gays in the roundabout?
A: They couldn’t go straight.
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
Yo mama so fat that when she went on the scale, it showed her phone number.
I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.
I don't know why my friends look disgusted.
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it was made by the same company that made their life decisions.
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
Why did the short person become a chef?
Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!