The jokes
You're so fat, when you jumped, the whole planet wiggled.
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
The inspiration for Chuck Norris to be in Walker, Texas Ranger is by decoding each of the letters in the title.
Walker, Texas Ranger = Wrangler, Karate, Sex!
What do you call a chubby Robert Pattinson? The Fatman.
Why did the plane go to KFC?
To lose its wings and crash!
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.
What went through the heads of the people on the 142nd floor during 9/11?
The 143rd floor.
Osama Bin Laden thrown in ocean!
People who helped with the Twin Towers destruction: ...
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
Yo momma so dumb that she thought Auradon was in "Varian And The Seven Kingdoms."
The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
Why don’t Mexicans have sex education and a driver’s education on the same day?
Because the donkey gets tired.
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?
Because their phone exploded the towers.