The jokes

Dad

Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!

Phone

Why couldn't people have their phone on airplane mode during 9/11?

Because their phone exploded the towers.

Accident

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?

To the I.C.U.

Linkin park

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Mum

Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.

Horse

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

Girlfriend

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

Gum

What hurts the most? 😹

A. Breaking up before chewing.

B. Breaking up after chewing.

Sunshine

You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂

Mama

Yo mama so Karen that when she went to hell, she asked Satan for the manager.

COVID-19

The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.

They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.

Team

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Keagan's FIFA team should be this terrible, also the problem is that Keagan is a Real Madrid fan.

Son

What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.

Spoon

Your mum is so fat and so dumb that she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.