The jokes
What did the janitor think when he was mopping the 101st floor?
The 102nd.
Today there was a line to punch me.
Yeah, that was the punch line.
What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.
First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”
Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”
Why does an orphan like The Beatles? Because it's family friendly.
Memes
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.
I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.
Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.
Your hairline looks like the inflation in America.
The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.
What happens to the crow in the earthquake?
It turned into a milkshake. 🤔😂
I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair! ♿
What did the star say? It's Star Trek.
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
Jerry: What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Charles: I dunno.
Jerry: Well, the flag is a big plus.
When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.
What happened when the emo kid gave the tree a high five? It left him hanging.
I gave an emo kid money.
He gave me the great depression.