The jokes
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
Where did the orphans go when the orphanage blew up?
Everywhere...
Two muffins are in an oven.
One says, "Man, it is hot in here!"
The other one says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.
I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!
HELP! HELP!
TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!
Why did the kid get grounded? Because he was always lion.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.
If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.
When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.
Roberto: Judd, your DNA looks like the infinite symbol.
Judd: Roberto, your DNA looks like a pasta noodle.
What do you call a movie about an orphan?
The Bat Man.
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
Why did the bounty hunter not cash in an orphan?
He was not worth keeping.
Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?
Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it only went halfway.