The jokes

So big that when you step, you break the whole galaxy.

You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.

Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!

For those of you greener than a Mexican's card when it comes to this website, it's darker than the unemployment line.

Gay people when the GPS asks them to go straight.

Lesbians when the GPS asks them to go straight.

Your hairline goes back to the first century.

Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?

The guy was black.

Beethoven composed his whole life.

What did he do in the afterlife? He decomposed! Har har har har har har.

Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.

Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

You're so fat that when Thanos snapped his finger, you broke the correction.

Why can't Chinese people play baseball?

Because they ate the bat.

Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?

She couldn't find the 11.

What is Saturn's favorite movie?

Lord of the Rings.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback.

I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.