The jokes

Halloween. The day we celebrate your face.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

Why did the orange lose the race?

Because it ran out of juice!

The Towers wanted pepperoni pizza, but they got planned.

What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?

Presentation.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?

A pap smear.

I was going to join the debating team.

... but someone talked me out of it.

Yo mama so Irish that she thought the Chicago Shamrox were a Quadball team.

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?

Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.

What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.

What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?

Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?

"BU" is the element of a surprise. Boo!