The jokes

Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?

Why can't Asians do word searches?

They can't see the words.

The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

What does the "W" stand for in Africa?

Water. Too bad there's no "W" in Africa.

Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?

What did one shark say to the other while eating a clownfish?

Why didn’t the grape 🍇 leave her family?

Because she loved raisin' kids!

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?

Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.

What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning?

Because unlike the Twin Towers, it can dodge!

Basically, the Twin Towers are Angry Birds but in real life.

How did the orphan lose its parents?

Its parents never came back from getting milk.

Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?

Alps clear the mind! Haha.

Yo mama so stupid, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎