The jokes
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
Who is king of the pencils?
The ruler!
Why was Liverpool the worst bespoke? Rio supports it, hahah!
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
Yo momma's legs are like cottage cheese: white and chunky.
Yo momma's so dirty that when I asked what was for dinner, she sat on the table, opened her legs, and said "Crabs."
What's the difference between a dog and an orphan? The dog gets picked.
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."
TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.
What kind of punch do little kids give to other little kids? The Sandy Hook.
What is the difference between an orphan and a bandit?
One's wanted.
There were two twins, and they were both very tall.
The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.
How long was the owl trick or treating?
Owl night long!
What is the similarity between depressed people and hoodies?
The color black.
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.
I hope you have to squeeze the hell out of toothpaste only for the little bit to fall down the sink drain.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.